I am slowly losing it

[CountVonNumenor]

I will be honest right now. I am in an awful mood, but not without good reason. Actually, scratch the bad mood part, I am actually at low morale right now. 

Hi, my name is Andrei, but most of you may know me simply as CountVonNumenor. I have been around for 9 months at the Shrine, and just tried to have a nice time and forget about all of my problems. However, recently, there has been a series of events that seriously disappointed me in the relation between effort spent and result.
 

0) Until now, I was very excited to take a hobby into historical reenactment. However, now that I had the chance to get the taste of it, it left me a very sour taste. Instead of enjoying something I looked up to do for so long, I only ended up sacrificing a lot of my free time, ended up getting even more stressed than I was before, and risked my health (I have been living with a constant, unstoppable coughing for over a week, that absolutely no medicine coud help me get rid out of my system). I was really looking to do this as a hobby due to the fact I like history, but I did not want to turn into this, just not very long after I got into it. And now, I am sitting in the dilemma of whether should I retire from the activity (even though I have only been active for a month - a bit of a long story there too), or continue, even if I am risking and putting more effort than it would be worth into the thing. But there is yet worse to come...
 

1) As you may already know, I am a student in the field of Political Science, second year into the bachelor program. However, I have started to feel like my place may not be in there. "If you are still young and not feeling your place is there, why not just move to another college? Why did you even choose that college?". Let's tackle the second question first. Through high school, I was purely convinced I wanted to follow History. However, in a country like Romania, I had absolutely no idea what could I do with such a degree. Public research is extremely neglected and underfunded, teachers are not respected both in terms of social status and payment, and no other option is very realistic due to the society we live in, having little regard for history. Therefore, when I had the first talks with my parents about where I should go, my mother kept pushing the idea I should follow a career in the field of diplomacy/embassy, especially since it said that the History college also prepared for such fields. Therefore, I ended up with the (mostly induced/influenced) that I want to become a diplomat/ambassador. And when I discussed this further with friends and people who work in close fields of political study, they came up with the recommendation to follow Political Science.

Jump to one week before the final exams in high school. After 2 years of being purely convinced to got to History, the idea of Political Science struck me. I was still with the idea that no matter where I go, I would go study International Relations. And in the end, I got to Political Science, even though I have questioned my choice ever since the day I confirmed my seat there (good thing tuition is paid by the state, so I can study for free). But now, almost half-way through second year, I am not really feeling any sense of achievement. I lack any drive to actually study the field, and only by pure chance have I ended up being at the top of my group just because I was the one who gave slightly one more shit compared to everyone else. 
 

2) Now to answer: "If you are still young and not feeling your place is there, why not just move to another college?" Well, the answer is not a simple one. Or maybe it is. I don't know anymore... The problem is that once I started, I cannot just give up. My family is already looking poorly on me for having the feeling I did the wrong choice in choosing one college path over the other. I have already spent too much time, energy and resources of my family just to suddenly decide to give up. Besides, it is actually frowned upon whenever I bring up the idea, due to "why did you even go there to begin with"? And to make it worse, I have been told I have to get my shit together and do something with what I have available. That I cannot just be someone constantly switching between colleges, as I am still reliant on my family for almost everything. And I can't get into the field of work either, as I have no plan and would be a real waste to just end up working as a shop assistant or whatever low level job after getting academic study. With the harsh times we are currently living in Romania, one cannot be picky about their options, nor solely rely on their dreams.

3) I am the kind of who is completely lacking the sense of realism. I am daydreaming about doing the x or y thing, but said x or y things are unachievable, too expensive or simply unrealistic. I do not know what I want to do with my life once I finish this 3 years long cycle of studying. Especially after a lot of setbacks recently. Let's say that both the History and Political Science colleges are throwing jabs at each other. The ones from History say that those from Political Science will do nothing with their diploma because in the world of diplomacy, politics or just administration, everything is based on corruption, having connections and nepotism if you want to actually get into one of these positions, no matter how skilled you are (Romania is one of those countries where no matter how incompetent you are at your job, you will still be advanced into a high position just because you are some influential politician's pet). Meanwhile, those from Political Science are throwing jabs to wards those from History for a simple reason - those at History are strongly nationalist and purposefully misinterpret history in a desperate 19th century style attempt at justifying even the very existence of Romania as a state. 

And now for job opportunities. I was hoping that one my current route, I would be able to continue for a Master's Degree on the field of Military History and Politics, then perhaps work for the National Research Institute for Political Science and Political History. However, that dream sort of got shattered when I learnt that the Institute prefers hiring those from the military field, and while they do accept civilians, there is a strong hate for those civilians working at the Research Institute. If you want to get there as a civilian, good luck finding a connection from the military to get you in, no matter how skilled you actually are. Working at the National Military History Museum is not an option either, because again, for the actually decently/well paid jobs you have to be from the military. On the other side, diplomats and ambassadors are not in a better position either. I was told that if I do not have connections in the field of politics or be a member of whatever party is now in the ruling coalition, I have no choice for being picked into such a spot. 

As for other options, I really don't know. I love history and would love to wok into something to bring me joy, but I also need to make sure I am not going to starve. I don't know what else could I do, because one of my biggest flaws is that I am ludicrously lazy to actually look up for options. And now, I feel like it is getting too late for me, and that I have already done all the wrong steps. Many times I have a strong feeling I want to do something, yet when I actually get to do it, I end up disappointed because I hoped I would enjoy that thing more. "Oh, you made this path for yourself. Oh, you are the one who decided to pick that up, you can't just turn now". I can't stay hare and complain. I need to find a solution, but I am feeling more an more discouraged as time goes by. Maybe I will have to just accept a mediocre, soulless compromise of nothing actually works for me. But that would make me feel utter shame given all the effort until now, as I threw it all away. Talking to my parents about all these problems only ended up with me getting even more upset, as they made me feel sick of all the mistakes and fuck-ups I have done or am currently doing/am about to do with my life. I may have the excuse of being just 20 and still having an entire life ahead, but this does not work. I am way too ambitious for my own good, and I feel that will be my doom. 

I am lost, and really do not know how to deal with all my problems. I see no option for reaching a conclusion that would both bring me joy in doing it, and help me have a decent-to-rich life. I can't just be a guy who loves military history and Touhou, as I have nothing I can do with these things and be a practical solution to my problems. My life is clueless, I have no idea what I like and am best at, what could I make best use of to my advantage, and at least once I was even if slightly haunted by the perspective of ending it all. But I will not go that far. I need to fight.

But I am afraid I will disappoint everyone who loves me and has put so much effort into me getting as far as I got until now...

 

[sodaodaoda]

Oh no, I'm really sorry about all of this Count... I really do hope you find yourself in life, please take it easy, you're still pretty young and I can't even imagine how hard it must be for you now, but I'm sure you can make it through this.

I can see that you have tons of determination to study history and I'm sure you will find a job in that field.

And as for your parents, I'm really sorry that they're like that. They should always be here to motivate their child, and not to get sick of you...

My life is clueless, I have no idea what I like and am best at, what could I make best use of to my advantage, and at least once I was even if slightly haunted by the perspective of ending it all. But I will not go that far. I need to fight.

I'm really glad that you won't do that, and that you will fight, I really mean it. Like I said, you're still young, and there's so much up ahead of you, and feeling lost is, well, "normal" to say the least, for young people (Hell, I have been feeling lost these past few days as well).

So don't worry Count, you will find a way, one day. But for now, please just take it easy, and don't stress yourself too much, alright?

View attachment 2996

 

[SoundOfRayne]

Hi, my name is Andrei, but most of you may know me simply as CountVonNumenor. I have been around for 9 months at the Shrine, and just tried to have a nice time and forget about all of my problems. However, recently, there has been a series of events that seriously disappointed me in the relation between effort spent and result.

Andrei, I would like to begin by speaking as frankly as possible. I've spent the last 2 hours staring blankly at my screen, lost in thought over how I should approach responding to you, and even debating whether I could. This is a sensitive matter, and I do not consider myself a sensitive person. I live in the U.S., and am largely ignorant to the differences that those in other countries have to face. I have felt similar feelings to yours, but without your individual circumstances, I can't promise that what I say will be applicable to you. But I also can't just ignore this post just because I lack the knowledge or training or handle it professionally. I, like many others, enjoy your company here, regardless of how often I actually interact with you. I'll share my thoughts and experiences with you openly. I hope it can give you some direction, or at least a feeling of solidarity.

0) Until now, I was very excited to take a hobby into historical reenactment. However, now that I had the chance to get the taste of it, it left me a very sour taste. Instead of enjoying something I looked up to do for so long, I only ended up sacrificing a lot of my free time, ended up getting even more stressed than I was before, and risked my health (I have been living with a constant, unstoppable coughing for over a week, that absolutely no medicine coud help me get rid out of my system). I was really looking to do this as a hobby due to the fact I like history, but I did not want to turn into this, just not very long after I got into it. And now, I am sitting in the dilemma of whether should I retire from the activity (even though I have only been active for a month - a bit of a long story there too), or continue, even if I am risking and putting more effort than it would be worth into the thing. But there is yet worse to come...

I hear this from my roommate a lot. I'll tell you as I tell him: Stop doing it. No matter how much you wanted to get into something initially, if it makes you unhappy and is making your life worse, do not, DO NOT force yourself to stick with it. Whatever passion you had to get yourself to try it is irrelevant; the only thing that matters is how it makes you feel now. And you know what? It's fine. It's fine that you wanted to try something, and then found out you didn't like it as much as you thought you would. It's a hobby. Hobbies are supposed to be things you find enjoyment doing. You owe it to no one to stick around if it negatively impacts your life. Don't let the fear of wasted time or resources let you justify being miserable. That's the sunk-cost fallacy at work.

1) As you may already know, I am a student in the field of Political Science, second year into the bachelor program. However, I have started to feel like my place may not be in there. "If you are still young and not feeling your place is there, why not just move to another college? Why did you even choose that college?". Let's tackle the second question first. Through high school, I was purely convinced I wanted to follow History. However, in a country like Romania, I had absolutely no idea what could I do with such a degree. Public research is extremely neglected and underfunded, teachers are not respected both in terms of social status and payment, and no other option is very realistic due to the society we live in, having little regard for history. Therefore, when I had the first talks with my parents about where I should go, my mother kept pushing the idea I should follow a career in the field of diplomacy/embassy, especially since it said that the History college also prepared for such fields. Therefore, I ended up with the (mostly induced/influenced) that I want to become a diplomat/ambassador. And when I discussed this further with friends and people who work in close fields of political study, they came up with the recommendation to follow Political Science.

Jump to one week before the final exams in high school. After 2 years of being purely convinced to got to History, the idea of Political Science struck me. I was still with the idea that no matter where I go, I would go study International Relations. And in the end, I got to Political Science, even though I have questioned my choice ever since the day I confirmed my seat there (good thing tuition is paid by the state, so I can study for free). But now, almost half-way through second year, I am not really feeling any sense of achievement. I lack any drive to actually study the field, and only by pure chance have I ended up being at the top of my group just because I was the one who gave slightly one more shit compared to everyone else. 

I find your line of thinking very narrow-minded. Why do you feel that if you don't belong to a certain program, you should consider moving to a different college? Colleges come with many different majors and programs, and those that are related to one another often share credits for relevant courses. So what if this program you're in currently isn't what you want? History is still your passion. You're not restricted to a single path. Your college years are all about experimentation; finding out what you like and dislike, what you don't want to do, and all to narrow down on what it is that'll actually make you feel fulfilled. Among those I've talked to about college, almost all of them shared in that at some point, their career path altered drastically. My mother, for instance, spent her first year-and-a-half of college majoring in Biology, because she was so good at it in high school. But when she realized that it wasn't making her feel fulfilled, she changed over to becoming a primary school social studies teacher. She's been teaching for more than 20 years now, and doesn't regret it for a second. Choosing a career path is more than just the knowledge-base you want to build on. It's about how you can apply it and bring it out into the world. For her, the joy in teaching others was what motivated her to her career. You have to consider that for yourself too. Maybe, the way you write these elaborate, researched, well thought out posts because you like sharing your knowledge through writing. Perhaps you would find more fulfillment is journalism, or joining a publishing firm that writes the textbooks you've been studying. It's all just hypotheticals, but it's all in service to the real question. If you know your passion, then what is it you do that makes you feel fulfilled, and how can those be brought together? And hey, this is exactly why colleges hire academic advisors.

2) Now to answer: "If you are still young and not feeling your place is there, why not just move to another college?" Well, the answer is not a simple one. Or maybe it is. I don't know anymore... The problem is that once I started, I cannot just give up. My family is already looking poorly on me for having the feeling I did the wrong choice in choosing one college path over the other. I have already spent too much time, energy and resources of my family just to suddenly decide to give up. Besides, it is actually frowned upon whenever I bring up the idea, due to "why did you even go there to begin with"? And to make it worse, I have been told I have to get my shit together and do something with what I have available. That I cannot just be someone constantly switching between colleges, as I am still reliant on my family for almost everything. And I can't get into the field of work either, as I have no plan and would be a real waste to just end up working as a shop assistant or whatever low level job after getting academic study. With the harsh times we are currently living in Romania, one cannot be picky about their options, nor solely rely on their dreams.

This is exactly what I meant by narrow-minded. Why is changing colleges even on the table? Changing course isn't the same as giving up, and treating the two as equals is a destructive thought process that'll make everything more difficult for you. Is your family actually looking poorly on you, or are you looking poorly on yourself and projecting it onto those around you? Like you, I lost any sense of direction in school, I stopped taking my classes seriously, and eventually stopped attending altogether. I was ashamed of myself, not just for dropping out, but not even knowing why. Even when my family tried to connect with me; tried to keep me grounded so they could help me, all their words were poison. I resented them for years for something they never even did. I'm not trying to gaslight you. I don't know if there are legitimate tensions between yourself and your family. I just know that in my case, I was so distraught that I painted my parents like demons so I could tell myself I was haunted. You're two years into your four-year program. Nothing you've said indicates that anything you've done up to this point has been wasted, and as I said before, changing doesn't mean everything that came before will get left behind. 
And, what's stopping you from working? Lots of people work part-time or even full-time while attending school, myself included. Not only does it ease the financial burden, but it contributes to that question from before. What makes you feel fulfilled? The way you work, what you like doing, and what you don't like all play a big part in deciding what it is about your future career that'll make you satisfied with it.

3) I am the kind of who is completely lacking the sense of realism. I am daydreaming about doing the x or y thing, but said x or y things are unachievable, too expensive or simply unrealistic. I do not know what I want to do with my life once I finish this 3 years long cycle of studying. Especially after a lot of setbacks recently. Let's say that both the History and Political Science colleges are throwing jabs at each other. The ones from History say that those from Political Science will do nothing with their diploma because in the world of diplomacy, politics or just administration, everything is based on corruption, having connections and nepotism if you want to actually get into one of these positions, no matter how skilled you are (Romania is one of those countries where no matter how incompetent you are at your job, you will still be advanced into a high position just because you are some influential politician's pet). Meanwhile, those from Political Science are throwing jabs to wards those from History for a simple reason - those at History are strongly nationalist and purposefully misinterpret history in a desperate 19th century style attempt at justifying even the very existence of Romania as a state. 

And now for job opportunities. I was hoping that one my current route, I would be able to continue for a Master's Degree on the field of Military History and Politics, then perhaps work for the National Research Institute for Political Science and Political History. However, that dream sort of got shattered when I learnt that the Institute prefers hiring those from the military field, and while they do accept civilians, there is a strong hate for those civilians working at the Research Institute. If you want to get there as a civilian, good luck finding a connection from the military to get you in, no matter how skilled you actually are. Working at the National Military History Museum is not an option either, because again, for the actually decently/well paid jobs you have to be from the military. On the other side, diplomats and ambassadors are not in a better position either. I was told that if I do not have connections in the field of politics or be a member of whatever party is now in the ruling coalition, I have no choice for being picked into such a spot. 

I can empathize with your struggle here; wanting to do something that means a lot to you, but also wanting to make sure that degree you work so hard for is actually practical. But again, why restrict your job prospects to just Romania? Assuming you do decide to stick to this college path of course, if your options for work are truly so limited, why not broaden your scope and consider living in another country; one where your knowledge could be put to good use? I'm not suggesting that changing countries is easy, but many have done it before, and you certainly wouldn't be the last to do it either. But your opportunities end only where you decide to stop looking.

As for other options, I really don't know. I love history and would love to wok into something to bring me joy, but I also need to make sure I am not going to starve. I don't know what else could I do, because one of my biggest flaws is that I am ludicrously lazy to actually look up for options. And now, I feel like it is getting too late for me, and that I have already done all the wrong steps. Many times I have a strong feeling I want to do something, yet when I actually get to do it, I end up disappointed because I hoped I would enjoy that thing more. "Oh, you made this path for yourself. Oh, you are the one who decided to pick that up, you can't just turn now". I can't stay hare and complain. I need to find a solution, but I am feeling more an more discouraged as time goes by. Maybe I will have to just accept a mediocre, soulless compromise of nothing actually works for me. But that would make me feel utter shame given all the effort until now, as I threw it all away. Talking to my parents about all these problems only ended up with me getting even more upset, as they made me feel sick of all the mistakes and fuck-ups I have done or am currently doing/am about to do with my life. I may have the excuse of being just 20 and still having an entire life ahead, but this does not work. I am way too ambitious for my own good, and I feel that will be my doom. 

I am lost, and really do not know how to deal with all my problems. I see no option for reaching a conclusion that would both bring me joy in doing it, and help me have a decent-to-rich life. I can't just be a guy who loves military history and Touhou, as I have nothing I can do with these things and be a practical solution to my problems. My life is clueless, I have no idea what I like and am best at, what could I make best use of to my advantage, and at least once I was even if slightly haunted by the perspective of ending it all. But I will not go that far. I need to fight.

But I am afraid I will disappoint everyone who loves me and has put so much effort into me getting as far as I got until now...

Andrei, it's here where I find myself at the biggest crossroads. I've been in this same headspace. I have for years. It was only this last year that I was finally able to leave it. But it's also because I understand this headspace that I know the futility in what I'm going to say. I would very strongly recommend that you seek out a counselor or therapist.
Years ago, when I dropped out of school, I fell into a deep depression. My parents made me see a psychiatrist. And I stuck my nose up to it. "I don't need it. I can tough it out." "Oh, it's just a band aid treatment." "I need to handle this myself." "It's a waste of time and money." I made whatever excuses I needed to turn it away, but it was all to keep myself in that bad place. I felt so far gone; made too many mistakes. I didn't deserve to be better. Whatever happened to me is just what I get for everything I'd put to waste. I lived in that mindframe for some 7-8 years, until everything came crashing down and I was just... shattered.
I'm not ashamed of the fact I sought out therapy. Last year, I realized just how unhappy I was with my life, and I asked for help getting myself sorted out. And you know what? This last year's been great. I'm living for myself, doing what makes me happy. I'm taking better care of myself. I'm back in school, and setting a new path for myself, bit by bit. I might not be living the dream life, or the one I thought I was going to get all those years ago, but I can genuinely say that I'm out of that bad place, and I know I wouldn't have had it in me if I'd tried to do it alone.
I only took therapy for half a year, but I treat its importance very seriously. I openly advocate it to anyone I know who looks like they need just a little push in the right direction. But, for the same reasons I turned it away years ago, most people won't take it off of someone else's word. Just like I did, they need to realize that they need help themselves.

I don't think I've ever written a post so emotionally draining. I spent hours writing and rewriting. I'd delete entire sections and start all over again, just hoping that I'd say things a little better the next time. Or I'd just stare off into space for minutes on end without writing a single thing. I couldn't really decide how I was feeling about the whole thing, and my brain would just stop for a while and need to reboot.
Regardless, I hope it at least came across that I do take your situation seriously. I hope you'll take my words seriously as well. Just because you're on a journey of self-discovery doesn't mean you're a journey of discovery by yourself.

 

[Nekoko]

This is a good thing you realized that you need to take a break, if you feel down, don’t ever force yourself to do something you don’t feel you want to do. Just take care of yourself and take a break, just eat some cookies while watching your favorite series and be happy.

I know it’s not easy to find your way out of all those life "possibilities" you have, but try to figure out what you can do or which subject you understand the best, I’ve figured out what I wanted to do when it was kinda too late but I’m doing what I love right now, anyway, I’ve figured out what suits me the best by trying to know what I understand the most, I recommend you to try to do the same because what you understand easily is what you have interest in.

You shouldn’t be afraid to do something else, why are you in a hurry ? Maybe what you’ll do will be so much better than what you’re doing now ! Okay the 2 years you may feel sad for spending 2 years into studying a subject but 2 years is nothing compared to how much years you’re going to regret for not seizing the opportunity you have. You will regret it all your life if you don’t do anything now. Remember that the perfect job doesn’t exist, if you work with people you don’t like just pretend to like them, actually sometimes you will need more need to make friends because it can be useful sometimes (it’s horrible but it’s life).

In my university there is a 34 years old guy who have been through so many different jobs until now he has realized what he really wants to do : he have been teacher, lifesaver, policeman. Now that he knows he wants to be a doctor, he went to Belgium in order to make sure that he succeeds (some people said it was better and easier in Belgium).

Also you have a lot of potential, you writing is good, you are good in English, and you are cultivated. Don’t be afraid to work and stop being lazy, working is what makes the difference between having a job you hate and  having the job you would love to.

To finish with, you should understand that your parents are just worried for you and want your best, it’s not a good idea to "delete" them from your life because they just want the best for you and don’t understand what can it be. Actually, you are the only one person who knows what is the best for you it’s nice to try to make them proud or to try having their approval but you are an adult now and you cannot stay focused on something you don’t like just for their approval. 
 

(sorry i wrote it very quickly but I hope it’s understandable)
 

 

[_.Mevs]

As for other options, I really don't know. I love history and would love to wok into something to bring me joy, but I also need to make sure I am not going to starve. I don't know what else could I do, because one of my biggest flaws is that I am ludicrously lazy to actually look up for options. And now, I feel like it is getting too late for me, and that I have already done all the wrong steps. Many times I have a strong feeling I want to do something, yet when I actually get to do it, I end up disappointed because I hoped I would enjoy that thing more. "Oh, you made this path for yourself. Oh, you are the one who decided to pick that up, you can't just turn now". I can't stay hare and complain. I need to find a solution, but I am feeling more an more discouraged as time goes by. Maybe I will have to just accept a mediocre, soulless compromise of nothing actually works for me. But that would make me feel utter shame given all the effort until now, as I threw it all away. Talking to my parents about all these problems only ended up with me getting even more upset, as they made me feel sick of all the mistakes and fuck-ups I have done or am currently doing/am about to do with my life. I may have the excuse of being just 20 and still having an entire life ahead, but this does not work. I am way too ambitious for my own good, and I feel that will be my doom. 

I am lost, and really do not know how to deal with all my problems. I see no option for reaching a conclusion that would both bring me joy in doing it, and help me have a decent-to-rich life. I can't just be a guy who loves military history and Touhou, as I have nothing I can do with these things and be a practical solution to my problems. My life is clueless, I have no idea what I like and am best at, what could I make best use of to my advantage, and at least once I was even if slightly haunted by the perspective of ending it all. But I will not go that far. I need to fight.

But I am afraid I will disappoint everyone who loves me and has put so much effort into me getting as far as I got until now...

Before everything, i wanna tell that you were the first one to introduce me to this forum that i love so much, so i really have to thank you for being someone so nice and receptive, i really admire you even though i don't really know a lot about you or have some kind of intimacy at all

I won't talk a lot about your problems because i don't wanna end up being just someone that will say that everything will be okay like everyone does, i wanna try giving you some advices actually, i have gone through similar stuff this whole year and managed to regulate my problems a bit by having some habits

I think, if you don't know what you're best at, you can try finding it and finding new stuff too

For me you're someone smart, so i think you'll manage to take what i'll say in your rythm

So, what i did, was a program, i took a virtual notebook on my phone and wrote some stuff i'd want to do when i had more free time

Like, i put that i'd want to exercise and go to the gym, it actually helped me a lot to forget some bad stuff, you can try doing it too

Put some hobbies and stuff you'd like to do to be happier and healthier, like you said, you're 20, you have a whole life ahead and never is too late, you can try writing what you'd like to do in a near future, like good habits and new hobbies

You don't need to give up with what you wanna do, you should keep going on it but enjoying your life the most, some people say you need to change everything about you and this is impossible, so what i recommend, is creating little goals, like sleeping early, exercising, playing and studying in reserved times

When you're lost, the best to do is organization, and have some time before it to start little stuff you can do in 1 day, like cleaning your room and etc

I took from 25th November to 30th November to clean my room and my PC, that stuff, and since 1th December i'm doing my best to change stuff that has been making me unhappy

Sometimes, we have a thinking that we need a lot and that we should be noticed, but what we actually need is a moment to clear our minds and conquer our little goals, day per day, in a simple life without big wishes

We don't need a big house, a super car or a lot of money, just a good state of mind and the necessary to live

I don't know a lot about the situation or the ammount of money you'd receive in Romania, but i think what you need, before thinking of big goals like having money and etc, is about having a stable and happy mind, completing little goals you can do without money or etc, put those little goals in a notebook and take notes of how to achieve them

About big goals (think of it when you manage to do the little ones), there's some jobs you can get only with high school, if you organize your time and manage to clean your mind well, you'll be able to work and study

And you can still focus in your hobbies, the best thing is to come tired to your house and go do what you like, for just some hours or minutes, it always is so good!

If you're dealing with too much, well, i guess you should try talking to a therapist, it can help you, but please don't give up, you're a flower that has so much to grow yet!

I hope you the best, please stay okay and do what you can to stay well, i know you can do it!

To do like a conclusion of everything, take a break for yourself, and then, achieve your little goals, then the big ones and take care of yourself, i'm not so good with advices but trust me, i did my best and it worked for me, and i really hope it works for you too

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[buskerdog]

It's a prickly situation and there's so much I could say that I don't know whether I'd be helping or not, or how best to convey it to you. But to keep things short let me just say that I echo a lot of what's already been said above.

As for what I can say to you that's more specific to me... well, I'm the same age as you. And I suppose I've been through some similar (in a loose sense) experiences. I think the best way I can construct this is to respond to each of your numbered points respectively.

Addressing point 1)

I actually used to be in a position of being purely convinced I wanted to follow programming. But come the end of my A-level courses, having studied both computer science and games development, I took a year out to figure out what I wanted to do next (and wait out the covid pandemic). You'd think that sticking with programming would make sense - it's something I like, and there's no shortage of jobs - or pay - for programmers...

I am now going into crippling debt to learn the funny anime language with little to no plan for what I'm going to do with it. And I'm absolutely loving it.

I don't want to waste time going into details of what motivated this sudden change, but there's two points I'm trying to make with this analogy. Firstly, taking a complete U-turn on what you're studying is OK. In my situation it does help that I made that turn in-between stages of education rather than in the middle, but it's still possible. And if you don't have to pay soul-destroying tuition fees like I do, then you won't even have lost anything from starting again on a new course! Secondly, there's no problem with being unsure what you're going to do with your degree. In fact, I'd argue that not knowing is a better outlook. If you have one really specific thing you want to do with your degree and you don't get it, then you're going to feel like you've wasted yourself. But if you keep open minded about your possibilities, then one day you could stumble into your perfect job by accident. Or maybe something not so perfect. But either way, you'll be getting paid.

Addressing point 2)

I know people on my course who transferred over from another university to start again, albeit to study the same thing rather than take an entirely new subject. I think you need to ask yourself this: Is the subject the problem? Or is the course the problem?

If the problem is that you don't like the subject itself, then you should maybe consider starting on a new course to pursue something that you want to learn. I'm not qualified to give employment advice. But I will say that having a degree helps. Even if the degree isn't relevant. Focus on getting a degree while simultaneously learning the knowledge and skills that you personally want to have. That way you grow yourself into the person you want to be, and at the end of it you also come it with a degree. That degree might get you a job that is completely unrelated and random. But the point is, it's a degree, and having it says something about you as a worker.

If the problem is that you like the subject, but the course itself sucks ass, then you gotta move somewhere the teaching is better. This was the case for my above mentioned coursemates.

Addressing point 3)

Do it. Be ambitious. I too am someone who dreams big. But you also need to swallow your pride. There's no shame in starting small. And even if you don't ultimately make it where you originally thought you wanted to be, there's joy to be had in the journey. You might end up somewhere else that you actually realise you prefer. Having a well-paid job is not important, as long as you have a little money you can get by. However, you should aim to have something. If you end up in a small-time job that you find embarrassing, you shouldn't feel bad about it; you don't have to stay in that job forever, and it's fine as long as you live a fulfilling life outside of work.

And if you're still trying to figure out that thing you really enjoy, then broaden your horizons, both metaphorically and literally! Others have pointed out both these things: you have some great skills and interests that might point you to some other field of work/study you hadn't considered before, and also you can speak English, which means you can go abroad. Going to another country can literally unlock a whole new world of opportunities for you!

Addressing point 0)

My guy, it's literally a historical re-enactment club. Stop overthinking it.

Anyway Von, I'd be very happy to have a more free-form conversation with you, so if you like feel free to chat with me on discord.

 

[Gou the frog]

Having seen this post, I have got a ton of things to say to you lad. Even though, I don't have a lot of experience in life. I truly hope that I could be of assistance. First off, I have always said this, and I will say this again, you're a brother to me. Optimistic, Honest and always tries to make something new. You're one of the people that I admire the most. I maybe repeating that, but it will never change.

Point number one,

It's taking a big toll on you. I would suggest that you stop taking part of that club. You could always find new things, truly, an Opportunity would come along the way. Just like Busk said, it's just a history reenactment club. After all, hobbies are that of which make oneself happy not impact harm or negativity. If you don't mind, as a history enthusiast myself, I am always in awe of your work. I want to let you know that you're doing great.

For other points, I really wish to get in detail but with my limited understanding of things, I hope to at least tell you one thing that you can make it. You always do. I know that you will achieve what you wish for. Taking breaks, thinking back to all of this posts, threads, drawing, I assure you that your time and effort is not wasted, even outside of the forums, you're doing the best you can. I know that a man like you knows what he's doing, no matter who said it you're not loser quite the difference actually. As everyone has said, you're good English and it is already opening up roads for you. People often make mistake. Aye, you're will not be the last one to make them. Keep trying, your ambition is far greater than mine that's for sure. I'm proud to have you to discuss things. Don't let that fiery spirit of yours washed down, I'm 101% sure that you will get a job which will make you happy as aligning with your passions.  

I don't really know how I would have been here without let alone talking with people in the first place. Anderi, brother as I've stated above, follow your passion and hobbies and have a great time doing them. Be sure not to keep a load of things in your mind. Overthinking will not be in your way of goal. Take regular breaks if you feel like it. Last but not least, don't forget to enjoy yourself maybe put a little balance there. In all seriousness, I truly hope that you will feel better. Aye, you can do this LAD!!! 

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[CountVonNumenor]

Fist of all, thank you all so much for all the answers. I was going through a moment of weakness, and did not really know where to vent all the negative thoughts I was going through. Now, I would like to add a few more things based on what you have said:
 

And as for your parents, I'm really sorry that they're like that. They should always be here to motivate their child, and not to get sick of you...

My parent are not sick of me. They want my best, and just want to make sure both my sister and I will have be able to enjoy life. Or at the very least be more successful and get a better life for ourselves. Which sure is a legit concern, given the harsh times we are going through.
 

and don't stress yourself too much, alright?

I am definitely stressing myself way too much. Not a good combination with being overly exigent and punishing with yourself either... 

I hear this from my roommate a lot. I'll tell you as I tell him: Stop doing it. No matter how much you wanted to get into something initially, if it makes you unhappy and is making your life worse, do not, DO NOT force yourself to stick with it. Whatever passion you had to get yourself to try it is irrelevant; the only thing that matters is how it makes you feel now. And you know what? It's fine. It's fine that you wanted to try something, and then found out you didn't like it as much as you thought you would. It's a hobby. Hobbies are supposed to be things you find enjoyment doing. You owe it to no one to stick around if it negatively impacts your life. Don't let the fear of wasted time or resources let you justify being miserable. That's the sunk-cost fallacy at work.

In my case and practicing a hobby, it sure does not help the fact that I landed into it exactly at the most stressful moment of the year. But I think I will describe the greater context somewhere down the line in this reply. I was something I sought to do for many years, but the first impression was not really the one I was hoping to gain out of it. Not sure yet about quitting though.

I find your line of thinking very narrow-minded. Why do you feel that if you don't belong to a certain program, you should consider moving to a different college? Colleges come with many different majors and programs, and those that are related to one another often share credits for relevant courses. So what if this program you're in currently isn't what you want? History is still your passion. You're not restricted to a single path. Your college years are all about experimentation; finding out what you like and dislike, what you don't want to do, and all to narrow down on what it is that'll actually make you feel fulfilled.

First of all, I think I have to clarify a few things that most likely got lost in translation. I am a student of the University of Bucharest. in turn, the University is split into a multitude of faculties/departments. Out of those, I am following the department of Political Science,, with a generalist specialization in political science (only gimmick being that courses are taught in English instead of Romanian). When I decided where to go, I had to pick between two faculties, and that was what left me worried for a long time, whether if I did the right choice or not. You cannot just jump from one faculty to another willy-nilly. Unless you decided to drop entirely and try the whole application again for getting to another place. Which is a very time consuming and monetarily expensive process, as you have to pay for every application and individual specialization you may want to apply. Therefore, why my idea of either doing one more bachelor degree once I finish th one in Political Science, or just continue with the Master degree, but in the field of history. 

My mother, for instance, spent her first year-and-a-half of college majoring in Biology, because she was so good at it in high school. But when she realized that it wasn't making her feel fulfilled, she changed over to becoming a primary school social studies teacher. She's been teaching for more than 20 years now, and doesn't regret it for a second. Choosing a career path is more than just the knowledge-base you want to build on. It's about how you can apply it and bring it out into the world. For her, the joy in teaching others was what motivated her to her career.

Honestly, I am glad to hear she has found enjoyment in what se id doing. I guess it is never late to find the thing that would bring you joy...

You're two years into your four-year program.

Just a minor correction: it is just a three year program, not four. We are using the Bologna System here, at least in our department. Which sometimes is not really the most advantageous system, because it completely skips the introductory year into the field you are going to study. Instead, you are directly thrown into it, without even the most basic of knowledge or understanding grasped. Which can be very frightening at times, especially when you still have no idea what you are going to deal with.

You have to consider that for yourself too. Maybe, the way you write these elaborate, researched, well thought out posts because you like sharing your knowledge through writing. Perhaps you would find more fulfillment is journalism, or joining a publishing firm that writes the textbooks you've been studying. It's all just hypotheticals, but it's all in service to the real question.

Actually, I have thought a few times about the idea of journalism, or at the very least write. And I do have, even if rather shy for the time being, some sort of beginning into the whole thing. I am writing for the website Tanks Encyclopedia, and am currently in the proces of writing a very elaborate article on the Romanian armored units from 1919 to 1947. But that will take some more time until it will be finished, as there is need for a lot more research to be done to fill some gaps. 

I find your line of thinking very narrow-minded.

I will admit, I do tend to be very narrow-minded at times. Combine that with the stubbornness typical for someone under the sign of Aries, and you may have a good ide of some of my main flaws as a human being. 

And, what's stopping you from working? Lots of people work part-time or even full-time while attending school, myself included. Not only does it ease the financial burden, but it contributes to that question from before. What makes you feel fulfilled? The way you work, what you like doing, and what you don't like all play a big part in deciding what it is about your future career that'll make you satisfied with it.

What really stops me from working is, besides the fact I have not looked yet for something that would catch my attention, is the fact it has had a rather negative effect on many of my colleagues. Or at least that is how I see it. Why do I say so? Because I have a lot of colleagues who work, and they are also the same people I do not see coming at any course. At most courses, we are usually 3-5 people, 7-10 at most out of a group of 25 (which initially started at over 40). I have talked to some of those who never show up, and one of the main reasons they have invoked, besides complacent behavior enforced by professors that do not keep count of presence, is the fact work too all their time. Instead of studying or coming to the courses, they are spending time at work. What concerns me is that if I were to get a job, it would force me to sacrifice more and more out of the studies or attending courses, with negative effects in the long run. I might be the only person out of my whole study group who has never missed a single course since the beginning of first year, and still intend to be present as much as I can. 

Good thing I can at least ease the financial burden a little bit through the monthly scholarship gained for performance/merit in study and having good grades/performance at courses.

I can empathize with your struggle here; wanting to do something that means a lot to you, but also wanting to make sure that degree you work so hard for is actually practical. But again, why restrict your job prospects to just Romania? Assuming you do decide to stick to this college path of course, if your options for work are truly so limited, why not broaden your scope and consider living in another country; one where your knowledge could be put to good use? I'm not suggesting that changing countries is easy, but many have done it before, and you certainly wouldn't be the last to do it either. But your opportunities end only where you decide to stop looking.

Actually, my mother has emphasized quite a lot the idea that I should perhaps leave Romania. She said I may be more respected outside for my skills and interests, and that I would have more chances there. I am not sure yet i will do, but that one sure remains on option to keep in mind. 

Andrei, it's here where I find myself at the biggest crossroads. I've been in this same headspace. I have for years. It was only this last year that I was finally able to leave it. But it's also because I understand this headspace that I know the futility in what I'm going to say. I would very strongly recommend that you seek out a counselor or therapist. 

I would really like to do that one day. I have considered the idea more and more recently, but I have yet to do any move in the direction. 

You shouldn’t be afraid to do something else, why are you in a hurry ? Maybe what you’ll do will be so much better than what you’re doing now ! Okay the 2 years you may feel sad for spending 2 years into studying a subject but 2 years is nothing compared to how much years you’re going to regret for not seizing the opportunity you have. You will regret it all your life if you don’t do anything now. Remember that the perfect job doesn’t exist, if you work with people you don’t like just pretend to like them, actually sometimes you will need more need to make friends because it can be useful sometimes (it’s horrible but it’s life).

Honestly, I am not very sure about the hurry either. It is simply an automatism, something that I consider to be the default in any person's life. I should definitely be more patient though. I may also be too much of an idealist, always daydreaming about the perfect outcome in pretty much anything. Maybe I am just rushing things for no clear reason? I definitely do feel scared about the perspective of getting all on my own one day, as I really do not feel prepared for it. This second year of college is the first time I have really been far from home, and had to deal with the real world. All until that point, I was in the safety of my home, close to the family, and always with someone backing me up. Now, even if far from home, I still have that backing to some measure, so I still do not feel fully prepared for having to face the world soon enough.

In my university there is a 34 years old guy who have been through so many different jobs until now he has realized what he really wants to do : he have been teacher, lifesaver, policeman. Now that he knows he wants to be a doctor, he went to Belgium in order to make sure that he succeeds (some people said it was better and easier in Belgium).

I am still stuck with the school-high school mentality of everyone being of the same age. It still strikes me when I see there are colleagues of mine who are maybe 5 years older than me, as I grew used to everyone being about the same age in the "platoon" (I am calling it a "platoon" due to how many people we used to be in school and high school - many times around 32-25 pupils as part of the same group, all taught by a single teacher). (BRIEF RESEARCH: in a platoon, there are about 15-30 soldiers, so our little unit was slightly bigger than a platoon; the name still remains though for the sake of convenience)

To finish with, you should understand that your parents are just worried for you and want your best, it’s not a good idea to "delete" them from your life because they just want the best for you and don’t understand what can it be. Actually, you are the only one person who knows what is the best for you it’s nice to try to make them proud or to try having their approval but you are an adult now and you cannot stay focused on something you don’t like just for their approval.

That is something I struggle to understand at times. They really have good intentions even if the way they present it may sometimes be rough. 

So, what i did, was a program, i took a virtual notebook on my phone and wrote some stuff i'd want to do when i had more free time

On a smaller scale, I have done done that in the late days of November. Even if it was just a "to-do list" covering all the tasks I had to do through two weeks, I did have a notebook with the tasks I had to solve and try to organize them in such a way I could solve everything in an effective manner. 

Like, i put that i'd want to exercise and go to the gym, it actually helped me a lot to forget some bad stuff, you can try doing it too

I used to hit the gym back in spring and summer, when I was still at home with online courses (I spent the entire first college year in online education, hundreds of km from the actual university). Now, if I were to try it out as I moved in Bucharest, it would be much more expensive than at home in terms of gym subscription. As for time when  used to be at home, it helped in in some measure to relave my stress, find an activity to focus on during free time, and overall just an activity that involves  physical exercise. 

We don't need a big house, a super car or a lot of money, just a good state of mind and the necessary to live

Even if I would like to believe I am not the kind who wishes for a big extravagant house or expensive car, sometimes I end up thinking about the wish to have a lot of money so that I could finance my hobbies or whatever crazy or seemingly unreasonable plan I would have. Is it just a natural, greedy wish for all of us to dream ourselves have/hoard as much as we can, even if we are not going to use it?

the funny anime language

Alright, this one really has put a big smile on my face reading it. 

In fact, I'd argue that not knowing is a better outlook. If you have one really specific thing you want to do with your degree and you don't get it, then you're going to feel like you've wasted yourself. But if you keep open minded about your possibilities, then one day you could stumble into your perfect job by accident. Or maybe something not so perfect. But either way, you'll be getting paid.

Alright, this one sure is a perspective I have not thought about until now. Neither in the part about the degree, no that about staying open minded even if I may not get the perfect job. Like I have said earlier, I tend to be too much of an idealist, lost in ideals instead of actually focusing on the real world and enjoying the best out of the real, tangible things. 

My guy, it's literally a historical re-enactment club. Stop overthinking it.

It is a little bit of a long story I promised to talk about. Probably my biggest problem with the whole thing, and a good way to resume it in the least amount of words, would be the following: HYPE. 

Back in late 2017, I got into high school, and quickly became obsessed with military history as I was trying to unveil a mystery connected to some old WW1 era photo I have found hidden at home. Among the places where I thought about asking was a historical reenactment group from Bucharest called Tradiția Militară. This group already had quite a reputation as they were the first and oldest reenactment group established in Romania, so I thought I would get an answer. To my surprise, I actually got a reply, and I randomly decided to ask if they were accepted 15 year old students into the group. Again, the answer was yes, and so I decided to try my luck with it.

After completing all the papers, I only had the chance to meet them once in March 2018 at a battle reenactment event. Even at the time, despite being the first battle I have seen, it still felt underwhelming, but that one is mostly due to the very restrictive Romanian gun regulations (no blanks can be fired. so we had to use stock war film sounds from a speaker), and reenactment groups usually come with small detachments due to not many people being available or interested in general in this kind of activity. Therefore, you have no chance to seen one of those huge scale reenactment events you have in the west, with hundreds of actors, vehicles, large spaces and actually firing their guns. For me, it was quite a burden to try reach them. I was living at very long distance, was still in high school in my home town, and was in a difficult position of having to travel alone as a minor. We have met only once ever since, which was followed by 4 years of no connection. In the meantime, all I could do was watch them march as part of the national military parade every year on the 1st December. 

Skip forward to October this year. I finally got to Bucharest and could spend more time there, therefore I decided why not contact again the group and see if I could get involved in any activity. Unfortunately, I could not have arrived in a more stressing moment. I was slowly starting to get more and more busy with college activity. And at the time, the reenactment group was starting the special training sessions for the upcoming military parade from December. Even if I did not want to get involved, as I only had one meeting at active and therefore barely any training, I was still pressed into "service" as part of the parade unit. Normally, a newcomer would have been thrown in, given the lack of experience. However, this year we had big problems in terms of personnel (the Army requested 50 people from us like all the military units, and we eventually only managed to gather 32), so we all were pressed in. Many of the older, more experienced members could no longer come due to being busy with work, living abroad or having families - just the general problems for all of us. Anyway, after a few weeks of spending my weekends training for the event, I was feeling quite stressed we had to do a great impression. After all, it is the NATIONAL MILITARY PARADE in the capital of Romania, so there was no room to screw up when you, as a civilian group, get involved with the Army. After several threats from the army officers we were going to be kicked out for not performing the best - what else can you expect given the conditions, we were all nervous for the 1st December.

The only way I can explain the parade. Come at 8 in the morning, bad weather all around (2-3 degrees Celsius at most, cloudy, wind blowing, rain that was every now and then turning into wet snow). While we were staying in the cold, in WW1 era uniforms, our colleagues from the Army spent some extra time in their buses. After 3 hours of freezing in these conditions, the parade finally started. For a moment, I felt euphoric, that something was going good for once. Only after the events did we actually find out that 1) the parade commentators at the official tribune completely skipped our group (which did not happened at the previous rehearsals), while the official televised  transmissions pretty much skipped us as well outside of a few shots before going to the next unit. A bit of a mixed feeling about that one. Probably the best thing that happened that day was a hot cup of tea we have received after the parade. I never enjoyed more a cup of tea than I did that day, after all that cold. Out of this entire experience, what can i say i have gained? Probably a very interesting story to remember. One that showed me a lot of unjustified pressure put on a civilian group that also tries to keep its prestige high (Tradiția Militară has not missed being part of a single military parade for the past 13 years, and had we been kicked this year, it would have been a real disaster to our prestige). Outside that though, it sure is a very interesting feeling to be part of a parade, to march in a unit in front of the high representatives of your country (I had to much without my glasses, and I can barely see anything due to the fact I am short-sighted), and be the center of attention of the public even if just for an hour.

Overall, not a bad experience, but definitely one I wished I could have enjoyed more instead of having it as a source of additional stress. I did not want this to be my first experience with reenactment, nor get a bad taste out of everything I was looking to do. For almost half a decade, I was very hyped to finally have the chance to do this kind of thing, but it sure was a lot of stress. I love the filed of military history, I wanted to wear an old style uniform and handle a weapon replica, and definitely wanted to have the feeling of a reenacted battle. And al the effort also helped me get a nasty coughing that I have not managed to get rid of even now, almost 2 weeks after it started. At least I managed to get rid of the cold part that combined with the coughing last week...

 

[CountVonNumenor]

Alright, some things got for the better now, others have gone the same. There are still some issues that put pressure on me, and have come back to bite me:

Yesterday, I have attended some presentations in regards to economy, job opportunities and career. In a discussion following the final presentation, when I asked what could I do if I am interested in History despite being a Political Science bachelor student, I was advised about continuing my studies abroad. But here is the problem - if I wanted to study Military History (my field of interest), and for some reason online platforms I checked only give me results from the UK out of the whole world, I have to pay anywhere between 15k and 30k pounds as a foreigner every year. And I do not have those money. It gets even worse in the case of the US, where I really do not afford to spend 50K a year for History courses (for context, in Romania I am studying in a tuition-fre system for my full 3 year bachelor cycle). 

I know funding and scholarship are a thing, but I just do not know how to access them, and how much would they actually cover out of the costs. Besides, I am still feeling reluctant about the general idea of leaving the country, even if gives me greater opportunities, and I would have to go again through the bachelor cycle (as implied by options like studying at the Brunel University). 

I have just 1 year of the bachelor cycle left, and I am supposed to slowly decide what I will do with my life afterwards, what job to look for or how/where to continue my education. But I do not even know where to start from. I could have studied and get the same master degree here in Romania, without the need to get again through the bachelor cycle. However, it is not as well seen in Romania, and possibilities are so much more limited in terms of what I could do afterwards. Even if you could get into anything to work, usually that work is very poorly paid. Here, you have less chances to actually do something with your degree than what you could do abroad, where they actually value you for your capabilities and interests. I really do not know what should I do, or how to find a good solution that would be both useful in the long run and satisfy any needs.

 

[Nekoko]

Don’t you mind answering a few questions ? It might help me finding a solution for you :)

- What precisely do you want to study in military history ?

- Which country can you go to for your study ? Just give me a list without paying attention to how much it would cost ^^

- Have you really checked all the possibilities you have in your country and in the others ? If yes, don’t you mind telling me how ?

- What are you ready to do in order to get in this course ? Like, can you "sacrifice" a year or two working to earn enough money to pay your course 

- Does it really bothers you not doing the study you want ?

- What do you want for your future work : make your passion your job, money, opportunities, discovering new things (not gonna make a full list ^^)

So that’s all for the moment

 

[CountVonNumenor]

@Nekofire I will try to offer quick, concise answers to your questions:

- What precisely do you want to study in military history ?

I am not very sure tbh. Military History basically became almost some sort of personality trait somewhere before middle school, when I was just consuming everything I could find in the field and was available in Romania (that was before I started using the Internet). But if I were to find something more interesting, that would probably be Victorian era warfare and evolution of everything in terms of conceptions, technology and the context/causes leading to the wars of that period. Probably I should extend the topic to 1918, since the First World War is just as interesting of a topic
 

- Which country can you go to for your study ? Just give me a list without paying attention to how much it would cost ^^

Probably any country where I could study in English 

- Have you really checked all the possibilities you have in your country and in the others ? If yes, don’t you mind telling me how ?

As far as I have checked, I have only checked what was offered though Youni if you ever heard of it. With the information I have introduced, it only gave me 10 results from the UK, like you can see in this image:

- What are you ready to do in order to get in this course ? Like, can you "sacrifice" a year or two working to earn enough money to pay your course

I was already told that I should be slowly looking for a job and apply for different things, but I just do not know where to try, what to focus on and what skills do I have in order to make best use of them. Luckily, I started to go to career counseling recently, but it will take a while until we could draw a conclusion on that side. As in sacrificing 1-2 years once I take my bachelor diploma, it probably depends on what I will end up doing. I will probably be already be working by then, so it depends.

- Does it really bothers you not doing the study you want ?

This is actually a discussion I had earlier today with one of my professors from Political Science. He was greatly complaining about the very bad shape of military studies in Romania (bluntly put, "all idiots got in there, and it's the worst field of history study in our country right now"). There's a lot he mentioned, from god-awful methodology to low standards and even lower chances of actually doing anything with that diploma (but that is a longer discussion, related to Romanian education, values and research/scientific culture). His conclusion was that I would be coming better off if I decide following Security Studies, especially since the master on that recently introduced a greater emphasis on the military and security side due to the ongoing war in Ukraine (right next to us). That is a second option I could think of, and one I really would have opted for if our bachelor program had a department for Security Studies in English (they only have one in Romanian). Despite all that, I thin that if I keep in touch with him on the topic of "what will come next", I think I might have the chance to make myself a useful contact for any possible needs in the future. 

- What do you want for your future work : make your passion your job, money, opportunities, discovering new things (not gonna make a full list ^^)

I am not seeking to be extremely rich from my work. I would like to have enough to ensure my life even with the current issues going, and also a little bit to put aside both for retirement and being able to enjoy life. I think it is very important for me to be able to enjoy what I am doing, so that it would feel less like a chore. I noticed that if I really like what I am doing, I have a much easier time fulfilling that task no matter how hard it is, and am more productive. I always like when I earn new things and gain new experiences out of what I am doing as well. Hope I am not forgetting something...

 

[Nekoko]

Thank you for your answer, now, I understand the situation better.

So, to start with, I'll talk about something that may be the root of your problem : you are a little bit too much focusing yourself on your intention to enter directly a course in military history. Why is it a problem ? Well, according to my researches, the theorical aspect of this course is still in development, most of the military historian are former member of the military and still believe that you have to be one in order to understand the subject. For the moment, in all the English speaking country that I've checked, the only one which propose the theorical version of this course (so without having to be a former member of the millitary) is the United Kingdom... you already know what the problem is (moneeey). Also, working in order to have enough money to pay for your study might be a good idea but, you already know that it will take some time, so if it doesn't really bother you, then think about it as your first solution.

Now, I was saying that focusing on entering directly a military history course is putting you in a quite complicated situation. So what to do ? Follow a history course, I know that it's not the same thing in some point but you'll be able to study war, its political aspect and its evolution (and some more but I ain't gonna do a full list ^^). Then, you will be able to be specialized in military history. This is what I've seen in my researches, some historian have managed to be military historian by following a course in history. If you wanna use this solution, then make sure to make (a lot) of internship so that you can "build a network" with people who are doing what you want to do and they should be able to make you join them in the future :3

Well, sorry for the late answer I was really trying to figure out if there isn't a more "direct" possibility to integrate the course of your dream, so don't forget to discuss about these two solutions with your professors ^^

And even if it was three days ago, happy birthday !!