_.Mevs
Onshi
Brief Introduction:
Hm... So, i haven't been in the forum for months, and the reason is because i've been doing a lot on my personal life such as developing new personal relations and also working on myself, but before all that progress i had in my life, i went through the hardest times i could ever think of: the loneliness
I'm an introvert, so i usually like to be alone, but it changes when it comes to feel alone
I always loved to have my own time, thanks to that i discovered touhou and other things that made me happier, such as doing physical exercises and playing games, also thanks to that i found this forum where i did share a lot of my personal experiences and also opinions
Since i disappeared, some people such as @CountVonNumenor asked what happened and if i was going to come back, and well, i'm not sure tbh, i found this forum cuz i wanted to share the few experiences i lived and also to know more about touhou, but in the transition between 2022 and 2023 my life changed completely, since i started dealing with several problems and also, with the loneliness feeling
My experience with loneliness:
So, since past year i've been talking to a girl which had several problems about health and her personal life, once she was a cocaine user and also a depression victim, but since i met her she changed, at least most of the time, she didn't use drugs or cut herself (due to her problems), it was life her life changed, even the subjects we used to talk about changed and instead of talking about negative stuff, we started talking about life and good things such as travels and etc
Well, that was what i thought, this year she met another guy, but instead of trying to help her like i was trying to do, he did support her on all the shit she used to do, she even went to his house to smoke weed and have sex, and i didn't care at all, since it's her life and she can do what she wanted to
I started to get away from her because she started saying weird stuff and asking me out, but i never wanted a relationship with her, and plus, some months ago she was having sex with another guy with the same problems as her, so why should i accept someone like that? Anyway, for some reason, i used to feel calm when she was near to me, but not because i loved her or smth, it's just because she was my only friend on work, once everyone went away from me since i started to meet up with her
After some time she completely stopped to talk to me and blocked me on some places, and it made me get into a prison inside of my mind, i started to have a strong anxiety because i felt completely switched, i didn't have nobody to talk to, several times i did take my phone during the day to see if someone sent me a message or something, and nothing
But then my friends tried to talk back to me, which didn't work, i got accustomed with being lonely, but i was still sad, so what i wanted at all?
I wanted her company, i became a emotional dependant on her while she was hanging out with several friends who did the same drugs as her and had the same weird ideas as her
And it made me notice what loneliness feels like, isn't just being alone, isn't just about not having nobody to count with, but yes about being in a prison inside of your head, a prison where you're feed with negative thoughts and self-devaluation, when you can't think about nothing aside from the problems in your life and when all you think of is about yourself and about how pathetic is your situation, thinking about how some kind of miracle would solve everything and make you get back to feel the way you used to when you were happier
Nowadays, i'm with new friends and i don't have this feeling anymore, at least not at a very destructive point, i started dating again and now i have a way better life, but the first point to get better, was recognizing what i was feeling, and well, i know several people go through the same, and that's why i'll talk more about it now
Loneliness:
Well, being lonely isn't something that happens suddenly, but yes something that you only notice when it's already in it's extreme point, nothing is never enough at all, you feel alone even if there's people who would talk to you if you needed, you can't just ignore it because it will always get inside of your mind, when you lay down on your bed and look at the ceiling while thinking a lot about your life for example, when you're frequently feeling yourself empty and without value to others
It is certainly worse when you really don't have nobody who cares about you, and well, due to that, several people end up developing depression and other problems, but a problem which always happen even if you have or not somebody who care about you, is the anxiety
Being lonely causes a lot of anxiety, once you're frequently waiting for someone to send you a message or show some kind of interest on you, when you don't know what's wrong about you that apparently is making people get away and give up on having a talk with you, when you're thinking so much about the wrong points in yourself that you can't even work/study well, when you're always trying to find or receive something which can be a way to solve your problems
And well, being lonely can end up making of you a true vegetable, which don't have any perspective of future and don't try to get better, and it can destroy completely someone, since those people can end up trying to be someone else instead of trying to be someone better
I'm writing this because, nowadays, i opened my eyes about all this situation, and i can see a lot of people dealing with this same problem, and having no idea about how to solve it, i can't give a solution though, since the way i found to get better was forcing myself into new people till i found my friends i have now, and as much as i can recommend that, i'd say, everybody will always find their ways to solve their own problems
Loneliness is literally killing people, and i say that not just because i had suicidal thoughts during that time, but also because i see a lot of people doing the same, and i did see people who actually did commit suicide due to this
Please, take care of yourselves and try doing therapy or going to a psychologist, i'm not a doctor or a therapist, but yes one of the several people who already went through all that, and i don't desire this feeling not even for my worst enemy
Maybe your problem can even be more serious, like depression or something, so, yeah, you should look for medical help if you identify with what i wrote, since i just got worse when i didn't look for this kind of professional help, i could get better alone, but this situation isn't the same for everyone
See y'all someday! =D
View attachment 2969
Hm... So, i haven't been in the forum for months, and the reason is because i've been doing a lot on my personal life such as developing new personal relations and also working on myself, but before all that progress i had in my life, i went through the hardest times i could ever think of: the loneliness
I'm an introvert, so i usually like to be alone, but it changes when it comes to feel alone
I always loved to have my own time, thanks to that i discovered touhou and other things that made me happier, such as doing physical exercises and playing games, also thanks to that i found this forum where i did share a lot of my personal experiences and also opinions
Since i disappeared, some people such as @CountVonNumenor asked what happened and if i was going to come back, and well, i'm not sure tbh, i found this forum cuz i wanted to share the few experiences i lived and also to know more about touhou, but in the transition between 2022 and 2023 my life changed completely, since i started dealing with several problems and also, with the loneliness feeling
My experience with loneliness:
So, since past year i've been talking to a girl which had several problems about health and her personal life, once she was a cocaine user and also a depression victim, but since i met her she changed, at least most of the time, she didn't use drugs or cut herself (due to her problems), it was life her life changed, even the subjects we used to talk about changed and instead of talking about negative stuff, we started talking about life and good things such as travels and etc
Well, that was what i thought, this year she met another guy, but instead of trying to help her like i was trying to do, he did support her on all the shit she used to do, she even went to his house to smoke weed and have sex, and i didn't care at all, since it's her life and she can do what she wanted to
I started to get away from her because she started saying weird stuff and asking me out, but i never wanted a relationship with her, and plus, some months ago she was having sex with another guy with the same problems as her, so why should i accept someone like that? Anyway, for some reason, i used to feel calm when she was near to me, but not because i loved her or smth, it's just because she was my only friend on work, once everyone went away from me since i started to meet up with her
After some time she completely stopped to talk to me and blocked me on some places, and it made me get into a prison inside of my mind, i started to have a strong anxiety because i felt completely switched, i didn't have nobody to talk to, several times i did take my phone during the day to see if someone sent me a message or something, and nothing
But then my friends tried to talk back to me, which didn't work, i got accustomed with being lonely, but i was still sad, so what i wanted at all?
I wanted her company, i became a emotional dependant on her while she was hanging out with several friends who did the same drugs as her and had the same weird ideas as her
And it made me notice what loneliness feels like, isn't just being alone, isn't just about not having nobody to count with, but yes about being in a prison inside of your head, a prison where you're feed with negative thoughts and self-devaluation, when you can't think about nothing aside from the problems in your life and when all you think of is about yourself and about how pathetic is your situation, thinking about how some kind of miracle would solve everything and make you get back to feel the way you used to when you were happier
Nowadays, i'm with new friends and i don't have this feeling anymore, at least not at a very destructive point, i started dating again and now i have a way better life, but the first point to get better, was recognizing what i was feeling, and well, i know several people go through the same, and that's why i'll talk more about it now
Loneliness:
Well, being lonely isn't something that happens suddenly, but yes something that you only notice when it's already in it's extreme point, nothing is never enough at all, you feel alone even if there's people who would talk to you if you needed, you can't just ignore it because it will always get inside of your mind, when you lay down on your bed and look at the ceiling while thinking a lot about your life for example, when you're frequently feeling yourself empty and without value to others
It is certainly worse when you really don't have nobody who cares about you, and well, due to that, several people end up developing depression and other problems, but a problem which always happen even if you have or not somebody who care about you, is the anxiety
Being lonely causes a lot of anxiety, once you're frequently waiting for someone to send you a message or show some kind of interest on you, when you don't know what's wrong about you that apparently is making people get away and give up on having a talk with you, when you're thinking so much about the wrong points in yourself that you can't even work/study well, when you're always trying to find or receive something which can be a way to solve your problems
And well, being lonely can end up making of you a true vegetable, which don't have any perspective of future and don't try to get better, and it can destroy completely someone, since those people can end up trying to be someone else instead of trying to be someone better
I'm writing this because, nowadays, i opened my eyes about all this situation, and i can see a lot of people dealing with this same problem, and having no idea about how to solve it, i can't give a solution though, since the way i found to get better was forcing myself into new people till i found my friends i have now, and as much as i can recommend that, i'd say, everybody will always find their ways to solve their own problems
Loneliness is literally killing people, and i say that not just because i had suicidal thoughts during that time, but also because i see a lot of people doing the same, and i did see people who actually did commit suicide due to this
Please, take care of yourselves and try doing therapy or going to a psychologist, i'm not a doctor or a therapist, but yes one of the several people who already went through all that, and i don't desire this feeling not even for my worst enemy
Maybe your problem can even be more serious, like depression or something, so, yeah, you should look for medical help if you identify with what i wrote, since i just got worse when i didn't look for this kind of professional help, i could get better alone, but this situation isn't the same for everyone
See y'all someday! =D
View attachment 2969
Last edited by a moderator:
