_.Mevs

Brief Introduction: Hm... So, i haven't been in the forum for months, and the reason is because i've been doing a lot on my personal life such as developing new personal relations and also working on myself, but before all that progress i had in my life, i went through the hardest times i could ever think of: the loneliness I'm an introvert, so i usually like to be alone, but it changes when it comes to feel alone I always loved to have my own time, thanks to that i discovered touhou and other things that made me happier, such as doing physical exercises and playing games, also thanks to that i found this forum where i did share a lot of my personal experiences and also opinions Since i disappeared, some people such as @CountVonNumenor asked what happened and if i was going to come back, and well, i'm not sure tbh, i found this forum cuz i wanted to share the few experiences i lived and also to know more about touhou, but in the transition between 2022 and 2023 my life changed completely, since i started dealing with several problems and also, with the loneliness feeling My experience with loneliness: So, since past year i've been talking to a girl which had several problems about health and her personal life, once she was a cocaine user and also a depression victim, but since i met her she changed, at least most of the time, she didn't use drugs or cut herself (due to her problems), it was life her life changed, even the subjects we used to talk about changed and instead of talking about negative stuff, we started talking about life and good things such as travels and etc Well, that was what i thought, this year she met another guy, but instead of trying to help her like i was trying to do, he did support her on all the shit she used to do, she even went to his house to smoke weed and have sex, and i didn't care at all, since it's her life and she can do what she wanted to I started to get away from her because she started saying weird stuff and asking me out, but i never wanted a relationship with her, and plus, some months ago she was having sex with another guy with the same problems as her, so why should i accept someone like that? Anyway, for some reason, i used to feel calm when she was near to me, but not because i loved her or smth, it's just because she was my only friend on work, once everyone went away from me since i started to meet up with her After some time she completely stopped to talk to me and blocked me on some places, and it made me get into a prison inside of my mind, i started to have a strong anxiety because i felt completely switched, i didn't have nobody to talk to, several times i did take my phone during the day to see if someone sent me a message or something, and nothing But then my friends tried to talk back to me, which didn't work, i got accustomed with being lonely, but i was still sad, so what i wanted at all? I wanted her company, i became a emotional dependant on her while she was hanging out with several friends who did the same drugs as her and had the same weird ideas as her And it made me notice what loneliness feels like, isn't just being alone, isn't just about not having nobody to count with, but yes about being in a prison inside of your head, a prison where you're feed with negative thoughts and self-devaluation, when you can't think about nothing aside from the problems in your life and when all you think of is about yourself and about how pathetic is your situation, thinking about how some kind of miracle would solve everything and make you get back to feel the way you used to when you were happier Nowadays, i'm with new friends and i don't have this feeling anymore, at least not at a very destructive point, i started dating again and now i have a way better life, but the first point to get better, was recognizing what i was feeling, and well, i know several people go through the same, and that's why i'll talk more about it now Loneliness: Well, being lonely isn't something that happens suddenly, but yes something that you only notice when it's already in it's extreme point, nothing is never enough at all, you feel alone even if there's people who would talk to you if you needed, you can't just ignore it because it will always get inside of your mind, when you lay down on your bed and look at the ceiling while thinking a lot about your life for example, when you're frequently feeling yourself empty and without value to others It is certainly worse when you really don't have nobody who cares about you, and well, due to that, several people end up developing depression and other problems, but a problem which always happen even if you have or not somebody who care about you, is the anxiety Being lonely causes a lot of anxiety, once you're frequently waiting for someone to send you a message or show some kind of interest on you, when you don't know what's wrong about you that apparently is making people get away and give up on having a talk with you, when you're thinking so much about the wrong points in yourself that you can't even work/study well, when you're always trying to find or receive something which can be a way to solve your problems And well, being lonely can end up making of you a true vegetable, which don't have any perspective of future and don't try to get better, and it can destroy completely someone, since those people can end up trying to be someone else instead of trying to be someone better I'm writing this because, nowadays, i opened my eyes about all this situation, and i can see a lot of people dealing with this same problem, and having no idea about how to solve it, i can't give a solution though, since the way i found to get better was forcing myself into new people till i found my friends i have now, and as much as i can recommend that, i'd say, everybody will always find their ways to solve their own problems Loneliness is literally killing people, and i say that not just because i had suicidal thoughts during that time, but also because i see a lot of people doing the same, and i did see people who actually did commit suicide due to this Please, take care of yourselves and try doing therapy or going to a psychologist, i'm not a doctor or a therapist, but yes one of the several people who already went through all that, and i don't desire this feeling not even for my worst enemy Maybe your problem can even be more serious, like depression or something, so, yeah, you should look for medical help if you identify with what i wrote, since i just got worse when i didn't look for this kind of professional help, i could get better alone, but this situation isn't the same for everyone See y'all someday! =D

Tbh, i haven't played a lot of Touhou games but i really do love the whole universe about it For me, Touhou is more like a universe with several stuff you can like about it, since there's animes, mangas, fangames, stories, arts, animations, songs and a lot of things about it that make the original games be only 1 more feature into the whole thing Touhou turned out to be Touhou has great games of course, but there's more than 20+ games and well, you don't really need to play them to understand the stories and know the characters on it, so it's normal to end up becoming a fan without playing or liking the original games And btw, i'm someone who has only beaten 2 out of the original games and at least 5 fangames, so i can tell that it's really interesting to see the universe the fanbase can create around Touhou outside of only what ZUN has made It reminds me of a thread that @CountVonNumenorhas made about being or not a true Touhou fan So, yeah, it isn't really bad to enjoy Touhou without playing the games, Touhou is way more than just a game at all

I understand the feeling of playing a game that people doesn't play anymore, mostly since almost all the games i play aren't popular nowadays But well, from what i know, half life has a pretty active community (not like before but well, active) Anyway, there's a chance Black Mesa can get popular again, since there's a new project called Operation Black Mesa being made (https://store.steampowered.com/app/311810/Operation_Black_Mesa/) Well, i don't think that not knowing the sort of games you're into is a problem since you can always try new games without really thinking about it's genre I personally think that it isn't a problem to be bad at a game as long as you have fun with it, and btw, if you play them with frequency and try to look closer into the techniques and etc you can use on it, you can end up really good at the game =)

That's just a thread where you can share music from your country =) I'm from Brazil and i really love the music from my country, i'll try sharing some that you might find interesting My favorite band of all time is Charlie Brown Jr, they make rock, reggae and also other genres like rap, sometimes also mixing all the genres, those are some music you might enjoy: The story of CBJR is actually really sad but well, their music is amazing and they're surely legends of the brazilian rock culture If you're not someone who likes rock too much, i recommend Tim Maia, who makes some Bossa, Pop and Samba music: Tim Maia is someone who completely changed the way brazilian music was and surely was an amazing musician, you can find several other music from him where he shows a lot of ability! I'm not someone really into Rap but sometimes i listen to a specific group called Racionais, if you like the genre, take a look into it: Racionais is a group that talked about the crime in the poor regions of the country, and reported against the criminal violence, sometimes also talking about the police too Now that i talked about some music, the Brazilian music genres are pretty interesting, and i'll talk about one in specific that's the Bossa Nova Bossa nova is a mix between Jazz and Samba, two different genres that goes really well together Maybe you already listened to some Bossa Nova music, since it is pretty popular worldwide =) Some of Bossa Nova:

Hmmmm... Rhythm games are really nice (even though i suck is most of them xd) One that i always liked to play is Taiko No Tatsujin, it is actually really popular in Japan and tbh, it is really fun and challenging, and btw, you can find some IOSYS music in this game too, and i personally find it really nice =) I never tried playing OSU! since it always seemed really hard for me, but i might take a look into it someday, mostly now that i'm updating my setup and got a nice mouse to play rhythm games =D Some other rhythm games i used to like were guitar hero, friday night funkin (in the release), arcaea and some others that i played only a few times, like Cytus II Even if isn't my favorite game gender, it is always nice to relax (or the contrary) after a rough day, and as someone who loves music so much, i always found rhythm games something so interesting =) Oh, and btw, that's Taiko No Tatsujin, if you doesn't know it already: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sjhof71ikDA

That's a really interesting question actually In my opinion, people that overconsume any media, like games, animes and movies/series can end up breaking the barrier between these 2 and end up thinking of the real world like if it was the media they like A good example are the beauty patterns in general, people use really beautiful women and really muscular man with beautiful hairs and eyes to think of a model of a man or a woman, and the same way it can happen with stuff that aren't real, like anime Actually, people get way too used to stuff they end up seeing on popular media and can end up adapting it to real life, i think there's a limit of where this confusion is safe or not, like, i personally don't see a problem if the person has a really specific taste for women and men, but i do see a problem when the person starts to get in bad situations and mood due to this confusion I personally had the same situation during the quarantine, since all my contact with girls was with messages and most of them used anime or popular media characters profile pictures, but it changed as soon as i returned to my daily life of going out to work and study since i had to talk and deal with real women and etc, i think this kind of situation can happen due to 2 things: Way too much media consume; Way too little contact with real people. I experienced both at the same time and tbh, it is a situation that you can get over easily if you talk more to real people and consume more media that has real people instead of too much fictional media, but it depends if you can deal with this situation without problems or not, but well, at least for me, having more contact with real people helped in only some days I don't think is a problem if you can't describe how a real girl is since there's a lot of kinds and all them are different to each other in their ways, different to describing anime women since they usually has several similar features and details

Ty Count! I really wanna stay, i haven't posted too much recently because i actually didn't read so many threads so far xd I'm taking a time to read them now =D

Alright so, i'm gonna start to talk about everything that happened: Basically, when the year started i stopped being so active due to preparations for this year, but i was still posting, nothing so big happened in this meantime actually, so everything was okay In february, i got back to my studies at the university, so yeah, i knew i'd have to spend way more time focusing on my class, but so far, everything okay, even if without being active here or in most of my friends groups. i was still perfectly okay Things started getting weird in my birthday, since i wasn't really in the mood but well, till there it was just a normal stressing at all, nothing to worry about, but things changed during the weeks and i was just stressing way too much, at a level that i arrived at home many times with nothing to do, so i kept just sleeping during the whole day while feeling horrible for not doing nothing good of my life Things got worse due to some relations, since two of my friends that i trust the most just started being so weird, one of them left us due to a relationship and my other friend... I just don't really know, she was really nice and lovely to me during all the time, but after some time, it seemed like she was going through some stuff, since she wasn't going to work or to the classes I asked her if she was okay some times and she said that yeah, she was, i didn't believe at the beginning but tried to don't talk about it Some days later i found out that she was going out with a guy and just started drinking vodka and using some, well, not very legal drugs, and it worried me but, i couldn't really do anything So, she just starting acting really rude to me all of a sudden like if someone told her to do so, and it was something that kind of destroyed me, since we had a really good relation for years, like brother and sister I knew she had depression issues and i always tried to help, i always did my best to give her attention and someone to talk about her problems So, she started to stop talking to me and i started doing the same, since i was starting to destroy my mind to worry about her, like always feeling like i was someone horrible for not being able to do something Now things are getting better and well, i'm managing to make it through everything, thanks for the attention and i'll try to be more active from now on =)

It has been some time, like... 2 months? Something like that xd Well, i wanna be honest, i left the forum for all this time due to some bad stuff, such as negative feelings and this kind of thing, but i'm slowly recovering from all that and getting back to be the way i used to be As i could see, a lot of new people joined the forum, that's great! I hope we can have good experiences here! =D I will come back later to talk about everything in more details, but is great to be back! Thanks for everyone who didn't forget about me and still want me here =) I'll take a look into the new threads now, see you guys later =D

That looks amazing! You're really good into it =D

For me it depends actually Using traces of your personality in your character is something pretty common, just like inspiring their looks by the way you see yourself too But there's cases and cases, like, sometimes you can end up making a horrible character by being way too narcisist (for example when someone makes themselves as the harem alpha male or smth) or way too insecure (when they just represent themselves as fucked up people) So, yeah, it depends not only if the person is really interesting but also if the person knows how to direct their own personalities into their characters

It surely is weird, it also reminds me of stuff i see in my daily life, like when i go to work, there's a girl that usually leaves her house in the same time i arrive at my work, and she basically dress herself as a cat (nothing against it, i love cats, but isn't too much to dress the same thing everyday like if she was a cartoon character?), and also a friend i had that used to call me senpai, it never bothered me but nowadays i find it so weird It is actually something interesting, some people start thinking that people are the way they learned with something that isn't even from the country itself =') French culture is nice but i don't think that people should think of people because of what their culture is, i know a French comedian that came to Brazil, he's called Paul Cabanes, and he says some stuff from France that i never heard about before, and i think the effect would be the same with Brazilian stuff in other countries, just like with Japan stuff, but well, most people that says to admire Japanese culture has all their basis into kawaii waifus and anime =') Ngl, they're not soooo wrong xd When you go somewhere like Rio De Janeiro, you'll find a lot of people that are similar to the stereotypes you find out there xd Yup, not only Tik Tok, but every social media (just to remind, i got into hentai in a time i didn't even know what a social media was), since if it's already easy to find it without contact with social media, just imagine having that contact, knowing the lots of people that talk about that kind of thing like if it was normal? I remember seeing something about a forum in a Youtube video about a VRChat iceberg, and the video just said it was something so bad and that you shouldn't look for it, but without explaining what it was, so i searched and easy like that, it was a fucking lolicon forum, with people that were talking about their gross wishes (thankfully i didn't look deeper than that, and it was already enough to have me shocked for some hours) It's the classical thing, isn't the thing said, is the person that's talking about it, if a adult talk about hentai, he more likely will tell you to get away from this because is something bad, but a teenager, that doesn't has such conscience about it, will just talk about it like something normal, making more people falling into this, and more people spreading the worst part of Japanese media and it's fans Exactly, is like what North Korea does basically, they hide the truth but part of it is already shown The difference is that Japan has it completely shown, but they hide it so well with the nice stuff they do that hardly someone will see all the horrible things that exist there, like their laws about "artistic freedom", that allow you to do absolutely anything, as much as it is a cartoon It was nice to read btw! =D

Probably this is one of the topics that will not have a lot of replies and will die soon but, i've been playing a game from my childhood that sadly doesn't has a lot of active players nowadays The game is Ace Of Spades, also known as Build N' Shoot or OpenSpades (openspades is a remaster) The story of AoS is really long, so if you wanna understand it, watch this video: I'll explain the game in some topics: Gameplay, How it works and Best Servers to play in 2023 Gameplay The game is so simple, it was the reason it was popular, and the gameplay consists in basically build and destroy stuff while killing enemy players to bring the victory to your team, in some gamemodes, you capture a intel (aka flag), that's a case that you need to bring to your tent to get 10 points and get near to the victory, but there's also other gamemodes such as the Babel gamemode, where you have to build stairs to get the intel in the top of the map, while the enemy team does the same, and your objective is to destroy enemy's stairs or help your team to build yours The game has massive destruction, for example, when you break the basis of a construction, it completely falls and destroys itself in the ground, and you can also build, this function can be used to build barriers, towers, houses, penis and anything else you wanna build! The game has 3 different weapons that you can use selecting the one that applies better to you gaming style, the weapons are: Shotgun, SMG and Rifle Rifle: Reach long distances, 1 headshot or 2 shots to kill someone and works basically like a sniper, but without a scope Shotgun, Reach low distances, but can do hitkill when you're near enough, is good for close spaces, but can kill with only 1 headshot too SMG: Basically a submachine gun, it can shoot a lot of times at once and is good at any distance, can kill with 3 headshots, is my personal favorite Some nice gamemodes aside from CTF and Babel are: TDM - The first team to reach a certain number of kills win Survive - Basically a zombie survival (the zombies use shovel and have more life than you) TOW - The first team to dominate all the areas win Arena - Basically counter strike, but without a bomb, you just need to kill everyone and if you die you become a spectator Btw, if you're someone in a low PC, don't worry, the game was created exactly for low PCs, since it has 2.2MB and has voxlap graphics, and i'll explain what's voxlap in the next topic, but basically, if your PC runs DooM, it runs AoS Images of the game: Build N Shoot (runs in any potato): Openspades (also runs in any potato but you'll need to adjust all graphic settings to low for it, is the version i use btw): How it works? Basically, it is a game made with voxels (basically, a voxel would be a pixel, but in 3D), using a version called voxlap, that was made by a guy called Ken Silverman, i'd put his page here but google says it isn't secure (maybe because is a page from 2005 of a guy explaining a new engine he invented) And well, what Ken says is simple: "When I graduated college in May, 2000, I started working on a new voxel engine called "Voxlap". (For those newbies out there, the word "voxel" is derived from "volume + pixel". It's like a 2D pixel, but in 3D - just a fancy name for a cube.) Most game engines these days use polygons. Polygons and voxels each have their advantages and disadvantages. For example, it's a lot easier to destroy a wall in a voxel engine. Also, there's no penalty for drawing curved surfaces over flat surfaces in a voxel engine." Basically, it shows that voxel and voxlap games aren't heavy, mostly knowing how old it is (don't take it so literally, THERE ARE several heavy games made in voxel, but idk if there's heavy games made in voxlap) Now, going back to the AoS thing, you can download the game in it's official page: https://www.buildandshoot.com/download/ * You can choose the Build And Shoot launcher, that basically works like roblox, you go to the official website, join a game and it will start in the launcher * You can choose the Openspades version too, that basically has everything on it, since the server list to the game itself, Openspades is different due to stuff like it's 3D sound and ragdoll death, also 3D weapons and arms, with new sounds and also it's graphics, that are way more realistic, but no worries, my PC is also a low PC and it runs perfectly, just desactivate global illumination and put everything on low, or if you want way more FPS, switch the OpenGL config to the Software config in the start screen You can learn way more about AoS when you play it and discover the other stuff around it, like the fact you can download new textures, new maps (useful if you have a server) and a lot of other stuff! Your first nickname will be "Deuce", but you can change it on "Setup" when you start the game Best servers to play in 2023: 1 - NJS3 Hallway: Has scripts like mines and has the classic CTF gameplay in a classic map called Hallway, that already was played several times in the past 2 - aloha.pk Arena: The classic arena gamemode, not a lot to talk about it 3 - aloha.pk Tower Of Babel: The classic babel gamemode, with a script called Apocalipse, that works when a player get a high killstreak 4 - Servidor Do Ronaldo: is a TDM server, is pretty dead, but was made by my friend, so i think is nice to share it so we can play there! I hope you guys enjoy the game! Is really fun, and i really recommend if you have a low end PC or just want a simple FPS without a lot of stuff to learn about Here's a gameplay and the launch trailer video: Btw, the trailer has some weapons and characters that are different to the original ones for a simple reason: You can download textures for the game in gamebanana or in it's official website!

Don't worry friend, more apps in the desktop = more beautiful (at least in my opinion) xd