_.Mevs Posted December 14, 2022 Share Posted December 14, 2022 Sorry if a Touhou forum isn't the best place to talk about personal problems, but this is really destroying me and i can't talk about it with my friends, i'm afraid of end up making everything get worse Alright, i already talked about my ex-girlfriend here, it was when i still was dating her and wanted to talk about some problems we were having in our relationship We broke up last week and i manage to recover from that kinda fast actually, mostly since our relationship was unhappy during some months already and i wanted to be free So, that was it, me with my life and she with her life, but well, i went with some friends to the mall to eat some stuff, have fun, basically what friends do and while we were eating my friend just showed me a picture of her with other guy I didn't care a lot since we broke up, so she can do whatever she wants and can even become a prostitute if she wants, i don't give a fuck (sorry for the vocabulary, i don't really wanna control myself to talk about something like that), but then i found out about some stuff and apparently she's going out with this guy for at least 1 month (we were still dating and she was going out with another guy) Alright, we already broke up, i shouldn't care so much i guess but i really hate to know that while i was worried about her health, trying to make her happy during the moments she wasn't okay, she was having a relation with another guy, that just destroys me Like, i know it ended, but what the fuck i did to deserve that? I literally did all i could for her during all the time we were together, i promised to always love herĀ I didn't look at other girls because she was insecure and said she was less than them, saying she was ugly and a lot of other shit like being afraid another girl get into my life, but look, how funny, was her who got another guy into her life Am i wrong to get depressed even after our relation already ended? Is it my fault because i'm uninteresting? That's just so fucked up, because of her i lost friends and stopped talking to most of my female friends just to don't make her sad, just to give attention to a fucking girl that literally would make me feel like trash in some time I thought she was a great girl, i even said in the first time i talked of her, "she's a amazing girl but i don't think i can deal with it anymore", but now, for me she's just a bag of shit, i can't forgive cheating on Like, one of the things i hate the most are people cheating on, i thought it was thing of movies, animes, series and porn stuff but now i see that this shit is more common than i thought I feel kinda insecure to have another relationship, maybe in some years, but i'm really not ready to love someone now, i'm way too hurt with all that stuff I'll try to get over it, i feel a bit better for talking about this Is the first time i talk about my problems, i hope it doesn't bother anyone 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Isaac Posted December 14, 2022 Share Posted December 14, 2022 (edited) It's completely fine to share how you're feeling Mevs and I don't think you would bother anyone at all. I'm really sorry that happened to you, but I hope you'll be able to move on from this properly in time. I'm sure one day you'll be able to find someone else who will truly care about you as well. Please take care for now. Edited December 14, 2022 by Isaac 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nekofire Posted December 14, 2022 Share Posted December 14, 2022 Don't worry, everyone has a sad love story once in their life, some have none, but remember that you are just going through a period where you will understand that love is nothing but the sweetest poison on earth. What is important to build a strong relationship is to make sure that your partener isn't at her first "try", if she tell you that she already had a boyfriend before you, try to figure out what happened between them in order to make sure that she is not a cheater as well. At this age, it's normal to not find a good girlfriend, but to admit it, there is a little mistake that you have made when you were with her : you gave yourself to her a little bit too much. It's not some easy words to take when you are in a bad mood but understand that she had been a manipulative, in a sort, girlfriend : she took advantage on the pity you had on her when she was pretending to find herself ugly, she make sure that you were only her, she seperate you from your friends. The role of a true girlfriend is to make you happy, but how could you be happy when making some sacrifice that are not benefical to you ? You shouldn't be angry because at least, it was just your grilfriend, not your wife (it would be worse) and also you should be proud of you because you have been a very good boyfriend, next time, don't trust blindly this kind of girls I just know what kind of girl she is and I swear that I don't even want her as a friend. 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sodaodaoda Posted December 14, 2022 Share Posted December 14, 2022 Oh my god, I'm so sorry this happened to you... Take care of yourself, you were too good for her and she didn't appreciate you at all. It's perfectly fine to not want to be in a relationship at this moment, it's okay and please take as much time as you need to heal. You did nothing wrong, and I hope things go better for you in the future Mevs! Ā 1 1 Quote Number 1 Alice, Meiling and Youmu fan! jaooooooooo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoundOfRayne Posted December 14, 2022 Share Posted December 14, 2022 I'm so sorry that happened to you, but it's gonna be okay. You're gonna be okay. Don't blame yourself for what happened. Ultimately, your ex was the one who made the decision to cheat. That's on her, not you. But, just like Nekofire said, you have a chance to learn from it and make sure it doesn't happen to you again. It's easy to miss or ignore red flags in a relationship when you're so focused on "I've gotta pull things together. I've gotta make things right. I've gotta make this relationship work." You're not at fault for wanting that; for making sacrifices for someone else. Relationships need that kind of care. But a real relationship requires that from both sides. If you're the only one pulling, then not only is it not going to be enough, but when things fall apart, they all fall over on top of you. I know you said you don't want to, but you really should talk to a friend about this. Don't hold it in and just share your feelings with a bunch of randos online. It's not that we aren't sincere with our replies, but there's this emotional disconnect. What we say might be comforting, but it can only do so much. And hey, you don't have to tell everyone. Just, someone you think closely of; someone who'd have your back. If not a friend, then maybe family. I know it's embarrassing and uncomfortable to put yourself in a position of vulnerability like that, but that vulnerability is what lets us really heal. As for what happens next, don't worry about it. You don't need to try and strong-arm yourself into feeling better faster. All of this is happening so quickly, and those emotions are running at fever-pitch right now. If you're hurt, angry, and sad, then let yourself be hurt, angry, and sad. Hard as it is in the moment, your feelings will sort themselves out in time. It's when we try to force ourselves into feeling a certain way that we lose control of ourselves. Take this time for yourself, and allow yourself to take this time for yourself. When it comes time to try a relationship again, you'll be much better off for it. No need to rush. Most of all, I hope you feel better. Breakups suck. I'm pretty confident everyone here has their own heartache story and its always hard to get through, but it does get better. And despite everything I just got through talking about letting your emotions take their time, nobody wants someone to stay in that bad place for long. Take care of yourself, and I hope you feel better soon. 1 Quote Shanghai Doll knows what you've done.Ā Ā I hope you're proud of yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
_.Mevs Posted December 17, 2022 Author Share Posted December 17, 2022 Quote It's completely fine to share how you're feeling Mevs and I don't think you would bother anyone at all. I'm really sorry that happened to you, but I hope you'll be able to move on from this properly in time. I'm sure one day you'll be able to find someone else who will truly care about you as well. Please take care for now. I feel kinda better actually, i took a break on the forum during some time (since i was recovering, i didn't really want to talk to someone in a bad way because of my problems), but now i'm back I've been reading what you people were posting here and honestly, thanks, it helped me a lot and i'm really grateful to everyone that took a bit of their time to see what i was going through, and again, thank you so much 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
_.Mevs Posted December 17, 2022 Author Share Posted December 17, 2022 Quote Don't worry, everyone has a sad love story once in their life, some have none, but remember that you are just going through a period where you will understand that love is nothing but the sweetest poison on earth. What is important to build a strong relationship is to make sure that your partener isn't at her first "try", if she tell you that she already had a boyfriend before you, try to figure out what happened between them in order to make sure that she is not a cheater as well It's normal to have sad love stories and i already expected one tbh, what shocked me was knowing that she was cheating at me during some time, and really, thanks for the advices, i did read it some days ago but as i said before, i was taking a time to myself and only got back today, you're completely right about love being the sweetest poison on earth, even if it look amazing during sometime, is 50/50 if this amazing feeling will last for a lot of time or not She did have a boyfriend before me and she told me he was cheating at her with his ex, and that was why she was insecure about some stuff Then she did what his ex did, but with me, it was shocking when i thought of it Quote At this age, it's normal to not find a good girlfriend, but to admit it, there is a little mistake that you have made when you were with her : you gave yourself to her a little bit too much. It's not some easy words to take when you are in a bad mood but understand that she had been a manipulative, in a sort, girlfriend : she took advantage on the pity you had on her when she was pretending to find herself ugly, she make sure that you were only her, she seperate you from your friends. The role of a true girlfriend is to make you happy, but how could you be happy when making some sacrifice that are not benefical to you ? You shouldn't be angry because at least, it was just your grilfriend, not your wife (it would be worse) and also you should be proud of you because you have been a very good boyfriend, next time, don't trust blindly this kind of girls I just know what kind of girl she is and I swear that I don't even want her as a friend. I think the mistake i did was exactly this one, since some time after breaking up, sometimes something used to come to my mind, "i literally gave everything i had to her during the last years and didn't think what i would have after all" She was manipulative and i started noticing that, but just ignored because i thought i was just paranoid, but in the end, yeah, she was pretending to be the victim of everything so i'd want to help her, and she made it, since i did everything to help her and she just took advantage after all She did love me, i know that, but in the end, a month before we broke up, we both got too separate and she started cheating, for me our relationship was like a flower, it was planted, it grew, became beautiful and lovely, and then it just started to slowly die I lost my friends because i was giving too much of my time for her, and didn't have time for them and when i did, i used to just go spend time with her at all, now i'm basically with only a few friends She made me so happy, and i got stuck in the good memories and stopped looking at the present, our relation became unhappy but it used to be the best thing in my life during some time, that made me create a barrier in my own mind to don't break up with her I wasn't really angry but yes depressed and shocked, i'm glad i wasn't married with her (we thought of it several times), knowing the cases of wives that cheat on their husbands and husbands that cheat on their wives... I'm just so glad i didn't go through something like that At the same time i know i was a good boyfriend, i also had some thoughts, since i didn't gave her so much attention in our last month together, it makes me blame myself sometimes since she wanted to be with me during some moments and sometimes i just wanted to be alone Thanks, really, you helped me a lot, i feel good to know that someone understand what it's happening with me, really, thank you so much! Ā 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
_.Mevs Posted December 17, 2022 Author Share Posted December 17, 2022 Quote Oh my god, I'm so sorry this happened to you... Take care of yourself, you were too good for her and she didn't appreciate you at all. It's perfectly fine to not want to be in a relationship at this moment, it's okay and please take as much time as you need to heal. You did nothing wrong, and I hope things go better for you in the future Mevs! Thanks for the support! I really feel better with the help everyone gave, you are amazing! I'm slowly getting over it and managing to feel better, i took a time for myself and now i feel a little bit better to get back to talk in the forum, i missed you guys, and thanks for everyone for the support! Thank you so much! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
_.Mevs Posted December 17, 2022 Author Share Posted December 17, 2022 Quote I'm so sorry that happened to you, but it's gonna be okay. You're gonna be okay. Don't blame yourself for what happened. Ultimately, your ex was the one who made the decision to cheat. That's on her, not you. But, just like Nekofire said, you have a chance to learn from it and make sure it doesn't happen to you again. It's easy to miss or ignore red flags in a relationship when you're so focused on "I've gotta pull things together. I've gotta make things right. I've gotta make this relationship work." You're not at fault for wanting that; for making sacrifices for someone else. Relationships need that kind of care. But a real relationship requires that from both sides. If you're the only one pulling, then not only is it not going to be enough, but when things fall apart, they all fall over on top of you Honestly, you're completely right, i'll learn from it and avoid it to happen again I was thinking exactly that, i wanted to fix things because in my memories i loved her, but i wasn't focused in the present where i was unhappy with her, that's why i took a lot of time to break up and ended up getting cheated on, and only finding out after the break up She did some sacrifices for me but well, i can notice that i ended up doing a lot more for her, i just became her toy in the end doing anything to see her smiling and meanwhile i was just destryoing myself Quote I know you said you don't want to, but you really should talk to a friend about this. Don't hold it in and just share your feelings with a bunch of randos online. It's not that we aren't sincere with our replies, but there's this emotional disconnect. What we say might be comforting, but it can only do so much. And hey, you don't have to tell everyone. Just, someone you think closely of; someone who'd have your back. If not a friend, then maybe family. I know it's embarrassing and uncomfortable to put yourself in a position of vulnerability like that, but that vulnerability is what lets us really heal. I ended up talking to a friend when i started feeling better, i didn't do in the moment since i was feeling totally destroyed and it maybe would make me end up talking badly to them (that's also why i didn't post nothing here during some time), it actually did help me, i wanted to talk about it here mostly because i was gonna be off during some days and also because, here there's people that would probably help me and it did, thanks to you and the other ones that sent support messages, it's being easier for me to recover, since my friend helped me and you guys also did, really, i'm so grateful to you all! I talked with my father about it and he tried helping me, it worked actually, was good for me to talk to other people about what was happening, i feel my chest less heavy now Quote As for what happens next, don't worry about it. You don't need to try and strong-arm yourself into feeling better faster. All of this is happening so quickly, and those emotions are running at fever-pitch right now. If you're hurt, angry, and sad, then let yourself be hurt, angry, and sad. Hard as it is in the moment, your feelings will sort themselves out in time. It's when we try to force ourselves into feeling a certain way that we lose control of ourselves. Take this time for yourself, and allow yourself to take this time for yourself. When it comes time to try a relationship again, you'll be much better off for it. No need to rush. During this time, i took some time alone doing stuff i liked to ignore that, like playing Touhou for PC-98 or some FPS i like, it helped me to get distracted about all the stuff that was happening, and the messages i saw here really comforted me I took my time to feel bad and to feel better, that helped me since i wasn't forcing a smile into my face and just stayed alone doing what i wanted to do, it was good for me actually! It was hard but thanks to this forum, my friends and my father, i managed to feel better without rushing it a lot, i'm not 100% recovered but i feel better than some days ago, thank you so much! Quote Most of all, I hope you feel better. Breakups suck. I'm pretty confident everyone here has their own heartache story and its always hard to get through, but it does get better. And despite everything I just got through talking about letting your emotions take their time, nobody wants someone to stay in that bad place for long. Take care of yourself, and I hope you feel better soon The breakup was good for us tbh, the only part that hurted me was knowing she cheated on me during 1 month before we broke up It's being hard to get through it but, i'm sure that it will be a experience that will make me learn and don't let something similar to happen again I'm taking care and again, thank you so much! You really helped me, it's great to see someone that knows how i'm feeling, thanks! Ā Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nekofire Posted December 18, 2022 Share Posted December 18, 2022 Iām really glad to see that you feel better and that people helped you to go through this difficult period 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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